As I am writing this is 5:10 am on Friday. Yes, I have to go to work, and I have been up since about 4. I went to bed at around midnight, and have to be at work by eight. So as you can imagine I am going to be very tired. This is somewhat the story of my life in recent months.
I first want to say sorry for my inconsistency I went from being predictable to very unpredictable I promise this post will explain everything.
Around May 2016 I started having a harder time sleeping and sitting still. Now I thought this was due to not only graduating school, but Noah going to daycare, me starting a new job, and of course the time away from Noah. However, after a few months, I got a flow going and was able to stay busy and keep a balance with my day to day life. It was about 6 months into my job that I started having issues sleeping, eating, and having horrible nightmares. Well, I did the one thing you should never do, I ignored it and kept going on with my life.
Fast forward to May of 2017 I was averaging about 2 to 4 hours of sleep (not deep sleep either), my OCD was in high gear (my room is spotless I am just saying), and my temperament had changed. I become very hard to be around and anyone who came between me and cleaning got yelled at. One day I yelled at Noah for no reason other than him asking me a question while I was trying to clean.
So I took myself to the doctor. I never want to be that mom that just yells for no reason. After going to the doctor talking, having blood test run, and having to go back to the doctor I was diagnosed with anxiety. In June I started taking an anxiety medication which made my mood a lot better, however, the sleeping did not change. I was waking up from nocturnal panic attacks. So, of course, I go back to the doctor and he prescribes me a sleep aid (non-habit forming) and for like all of a week I started sleeping 5 hours but felt rested. However, as of July 28th, I am back to sleep 4 hours or less and it is common for me to spend at least one day a week and only sleep 2 to 3 hours and be up nearly 20 to 24 hours later. This should not be the case on a sleep aid, so I am headed back to the doctor.
To give you an idea of what I live with, I can’t stay asleep because life is running through my head, I have very bad night sweats and shivers (but at the same time due to the fact that it’s summer I am hot), I am now dealing with shaky hands and eye twitches, no appetite, nausea (I am sure brought on by not eating and the medication), headaches, dry eyes and the big one, of course, is the OCD tendencies I am showing.
So if you feel I have dropped the ball I have and I am sorry for that. I care about every single one of my readers, and if you have followed the blog you know how much I support mental health. I am not telling you this for you to feel sorry for me but to understand that while my readers are in my thoughts my brain is moving faster than I can. I will definitely be posting an update after I go to the doctor (Monday). I have made a decision to turn the second blog I started a blog that solely focuses on mental health and self-love.