I Think I’ve Got it and it Falls Apart

Writing has always been a way for me to deal with stress but it seems lately I cannot find the right words.The last year has been trying, and I was thinking I was starting to get the hang of all the ups and downs, but that is not the case. When I started my master’s degree, I had this plan in my head on how I would balance everything, but then I was diagnosed with anxiety, and that took months to get any kind of control over. When I finally got that worked out, I started a job, and despite trying to lessen my load (and taking a pay cut), my stress level went up.  Adding to all this stress was the murder of a very close friend, someone who was really family.

On October 27th someone tried to come into our house, and my roommate (we will call him K) was shot and killed. That night has left scares I cannot explain but more than anything it has impacted Noah.  K was there when Noah was born, took Noah out to eat one day a week EVERY week, spoiled Noah, and most of all loved him. Noah has had this one consistent male figure in his life, and K was it. It is a loss for Noah I am devastated about. I was lucky not to have lost anyone close to me as a child, so this is something I am playing by ear and hoping I am getting Noah through with little damage as possible.

K was a big part of Noah, mine, and my sister’s life, and trying to find a new normal is something that is going to take time.  I have despite all of this maintained my good standing in school (mostly because me getting my MS was very important to K) and I am determined I am going to finish school and show Noah how to push through things like this.

Anyways, that is what’s going on, and that is why I have not been posting. Writing has always been a way for me to deal with stress but it seems lately I cannot find the right words.

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